Another Friday night, where it seems like I won’t be getting fucked, is ticking away. I’m sitting in a Starbucks, in the heart of the city, wearing a very mini mini-skirt and skank slouch boots. I’m pretty positive that I will leave her tonight and return to my Miniature-Schnauzer inhabited apartment (read: lonely). I just don’t get it! I think my apartment may be cursed with a strict no-dick policy…the portent of no-dicks past. It’s like I can lure them there, sometimes, at least once…then after that..fahgeddaboutit!
I moved into that place in November 2008, and since then I’ve had three newbies and three repeats…and NONE of them have been successful. Before, when I was living in a dilapidated shack of a townhouse, I had no problem getting dick to come over…so what gives now? Okay, so here’s how it’s played out for me over the last year.
Kenneth – Ex-girlfriend died a week before I moved, and he’s been a wacky mess ever since (understandably so…of course). The dick has been INCONSISTENT and we stopped hanging out like we used to before I moved. In fact, he just gave me the dating “kiss of death”…he called me TRUSTWORTHY! If that doesn’t reek of platonic friendship, I don’t know what does!
Alex – The licker AND sticker! Boy…do I miss him? I’m like Pavlov’s dog when it comes to that deadly, but favorite, combination! LOL! The only problem with Alex…his bedside manner…YUCK! If I never had to actually speak to him, he would have been perfect. He came to my new place ONE time…I never heard from him again after that! L
Ronald – Yeah…Ronald…THE best sex I’ve ever had. However, you and I both know that with mind blowing sex comes caveats! Ronald could never keep a job past eight months, he is a two-time felon, has a son, never has money, no car, is a chronic fornicator (lol)…and…well…you get the picture. Right? We had a nice little arrangement going until he moved a ten hour plus drive from me L.
After moving, he was really good about keeping in contact with me…up until he came to Atlanta one hot summer night. It was spontaneous, sensual, surreal…he was perfect! I couldn’t believe he was REALLY in my bed…holding me…and…well…you get the picture. The only problem was that I had him for a measly four hours. That was not enough to satiate me, but beggars cannot be choosers…right? And wouldn’t you know…after seeing him that night, I have not heard from him since (except once).
Vincent – I met him online. We talked for months before actually meeting in person. We met twice, in public, before I invited him back to my place (the cursed NEW place). I was planning on raping him, but it didn’t quite work out that way. The entire night was a major train wreck that ended with him yelling at me because I stopped at the drug store before going back to my place, and me telling him to fuck off. Yeah…nice!
Walgreens – A young hot stud I found working the graveyard shift at my local Walgreens…he’s nine years my junior 🙂 ! I thought that he would make a good summer project, but we didn’t actually do the deed until about two weeks ago. He works odd hours, which makes it difficult for us to hook up. I stopped by the store last weekend so he could see the super hot dress I had on. My plan was to visually entice him into asking for some more of this ass, but his response was lukewarm. Apparently, my dress did nothing for him…he hasn’t been back to my place since our first time. I was hoping that I would be able to get that at least once, on a weekly basis.
Jason aka “Shar Pei” – So we’ve started communicating again. We have gone out a few times…a movie here and there…nothing serious. Recently, during one of our conversations, he told me that I am the last person he has had sex with (ewwl); That made me feel extremely uncomfortable. First of all, that was close to a year ago (November 2008), and secondly…the thought of doing that again with him (not that desperate). UGH! And yes, I am going to blame that on the damn apartment curse, too! If Kenneth had not been acting like a frigid little wench, then I never would have felt compelled to go out with him!
So…there it is. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! It’s the apartment!
I may as well walk around with a price tag on my forehead. Can I be any more transparent?