3-Birthday Sex

6 May

While it may not be important to some women, it is DEAL BREAKER in my book; Birthday Sex!  First of all, let me get this out of the way immediately…I love sex, but I love it most with a partner who can match my level of sensuality.  I’m not into the Rabbit Bang or any other narcissistic passing off as sex.  I don’t just want sex, I want GOOD SEX!  Mouthwatering  Sex!

Seeing as how I have no prospects…I will have to settle with reminiscing about the BEST SEX I’ve ever had.  He no longer lives in this state, and his name is Ronald.  LOL!  How funny is that?  Ronald sounds like someone with a stick wedged deeply into the crevice of his ass crack…but not this Ronald…boy, oh, boy…not THIS Ronald.  And the irony is that before he moved, I took his good sex for granted.  I wish he still lived here, now that I’ve come into my thirties (you know…sexual pique thing and all).  I really would like to rehearse  with him a bit more;-)

So I never pushed the envelope with FWB because I could never “size” him up.  I looked at his hands, his VERY average height, his shoe size, medium frame, and concluded that the package really could not be stuff fireworks are made of.  Also, I took into account that Ronald, even after three years of “goings on,” could not keep his hands off of me for longer than five minutes.  FWB had the resolve of Mother Teresa…so I thought either he was latent homosexual or had a small dick!

Oh goodness…I believe I’m drifting…wasn’t I supposed to be talking about birthday sex?

Yes!  Okay, well, my point is…if Ronald were here, I know that I would be having enough birthday sex to last a lifetime.  But, seeing as how, even after his grand move, he has fallen into his old patterns…he is unable to afford a plane ticket to fly down here and give me some of the best birthday sex ever!

So, now I’m stuck with FWB…UGH!!!  While he certainly has a nice package, he really can make a girl like me want to commit herself to the looney bin!!!  I NEED BIRTHDAY SEX, DAMNIT!!!!!

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