9 – Bitch-ass-n*%^^a…My Battle with “Somtimey” Dick

27 May

no bitch ass ness

The Midnight Sex Texter never came to visit… 😦  He said that his trip would be four hours longer if he altered his route and drove through my city.  I was disappointed because he and I have not had sex we broke up in 1996…I’m wondering how much more he has learned over the decade and a half we have been apart.  I have promised to come visit him during the summer…since I will have two months off.  I am highly anticipating a fuck fest frenzy 🙂  I hope he will not become a complete Bitch-ass-n*%^^a…

When I realized that he would not be coming, I called Kenneth. Things are “so-so” with him…I guess I’m not jazzed about him like I used to be…I’m so like “What’s the point?”  I’m getting absolutely nowhere with him!  He’s too much work (mainly because he’s off having a great time with whoever) just to get some damn conversation and sometimey dick!  And then when I do get it, it’s aight…it ain’t the type of shit I want to spend the last year of my fleeting “early” 30s chasing after.  Kenneth did not answer the phone.  Bitch-ass-n*%^^a…

By Saturday evening, I was ready to throw myself in traffic just to end the sheer boredom I was experiencing.  I cursed my single-with-no-kids girlfriend who never seems to want to go out with me…I cursed my married-with-kids girlfriends who would LOVE to go out, but could not…I cursed Kenneth for being a failing, bitchass, FWB who preferred the pursuit of new pussy over what-is-good-and-known-at-home…I cursed Midnight Sex Texter for being an undying mama’s boy….I cursed my entire existence as I scrolled through my phone…again….fishing without bait…I closed my eyes and landed on:

Jason (a.k.a. Shar Pei) – Yes, I was just THAT desperate for something to do.  I wasn’t desperate enough to have sex with him, but I certainly did not mind initiating a last minute date (no, I would not have allowed him to pay for me…no sex…right?).  So I called him…oh, I forgot to add that I texted him earlier in the week (testing the water) and he said that he was on vacation.  So, when I called Saturday, I thought that he would, surely, want to get together.  So, we’re talking…I start fishing around…asking him about recent movies and if he’d seen them.  He didn’t take the hint.  Then the game came on…so I let him go (conversation was dragging).  Bitch-ass-n*%^^a…

By Sunday, I was like a caged animal.  I absolutely had to go out and DO something!  I went to my tried-and-true favorite – Barnes and Noble.  I saw a hot cop; Glistening bald head and tattoos adorning his forearms[1].  He was sitting down, reading a book[2].  So, since I’ve decided to turn a new leaf by attempting to be more approachable, I said something to him.

“That doesn’t look like work to me,” I sing sweetly in a coy voice.

His eyes unglue themselves from the page.  I smile.  He realizes I’m playing/flirting with him.

“This IS work,” he shifts his body a bit, and the bench wiggles beneath him.

I select a seat that is adjacent to him.

“Sure it is…tell me anything!”

He smiles.  I smile.  We smile.

I busy myself with the book I’ve selected…trying to make it look as though I’m not really stealing clandestine glances at his muscular arms…his muscular and TATTOOED arms…(sigh).  From the corner of my eye, I see him trying to size me up.  I refrain from stripping my clothes off and allowing him a better look.  Nothing happens…he didn’t write me a ticket for Blatant Fantasizing (lol).

So…that was my uneventful Memorial Weekend and my unluckiness with Bitch-ass-n*%^^as. 😦


[1] Hmmm…he could be a bad boy in the disguise of a good boy…yummy…AND he has a job!  Yayyyy! 🙂

[2] Yes, I found that odd…the sitting-down-and-chillaxing-while-on-duty part…

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